My Friend Ericka

There’s another Ericka Clay. I receive her emails from time to time (I suppose our email addresses are pretty close), and I’ve learned a lot about her. She’s from Chicago. She has a daughter. She’s African American and enjoys martial arts and drives a luxury sedan. She travels a lot and has her own personalContinue reading “My Friend Ericka”

The Black Hole of Bitterness

It’s easy to not want to forgive. To slide feet first into the black hole of memory and bitterness. It’s punishing yourself, over and over again. People have theories about forgiveness, especially people who lack forgiving hearts. They see it as pardoning someone else, owing a horrible human being a favor because anyone who stepsContinue reading “The Black Hole of Bitterness”

Burn Those Boxes

My experience of following Jesus started with the demonic. It was a black night terror sort of feeling and yet a strong powerful buzz that rushed through every single one of my cells. God showed me the true darkness that lies beneath the shiny facade of this world. I didn’t know why until I hadContinue reading “Burn Those Boxes”

We Don’t Live There Anymore

I’m starting to realize I’ve cried more for a chihuahua mix this past week than I ever have for any human being. I’m starting to worry about myself a bit. But I’m also not worried one iota. This week has been the hardest and the best one of my life. For the first time, myContinue reading “We Don’t Live There Anymore”

God Only Knows

My most favorite and maybe even most fearsome picture is one of the author Joan Didion. She’s standing on the upper decking of a beach house that sits nestled close to the ocean, cigarette in hand, as her daughter Quintana and husband, John, lean against the railing close together, lips lifted in small smiles. TheContinue reading “God Only Knows”

A Thousand Papercuts

Writing this feels a little like walking to the guillotine. Honestly, I’ve never done it, but I’m sure my physical reaction would be similar. My eyes hurt from the unchecked tears, and I can’t breathe. My skin feels like it’s suffering a thousand papercuts. It’s death, just the slow-stepped version of it. Our dog diedContinue reading “A Thousand Papercuts”

Running With Wolves

I gave my testimony the other night before the women’s group at my church. It was surreal. I hate public speaking, and crowds, and people focusing all their attention on me (which is why I’ll ask you a million questions so I never have to talk about myself), but I prayed hard that the HolyContinue reading “Running With Wolves”

The One in Which I Die

I think what I’m about to embark on will be huge but not in the sense that I always thought it would. And I’m starting to realize the gift in that. The younger me (let’s call her “Little Ericka” for funsies) would spend hours in front of the mirror, pretending to sit on Oprah’s whiteContinue reading “The One in Which I Die”